Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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