About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
