i don't plan on having that self control this summer
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
