there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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