Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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