Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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