Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
