An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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