SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
