Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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