Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
