No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
