i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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