Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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