I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
