dude i'm inner monologue high
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
