Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
