I'm laying in your front yard are you home
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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