the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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