rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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