Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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