Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
