I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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