the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
