From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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