I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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