:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
