What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
