I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
