Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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