well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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