Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
