oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
