your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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