so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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