I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
