I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he shaved USA in his pubs
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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