I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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