If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i think i just lost a toe
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