Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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