If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
