Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
