It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
