I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
