trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
