I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
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