His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
