Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
