i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Did I show you my penis last night?
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Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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