Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
