First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
