I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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