Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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