So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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