so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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