remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
