you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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