I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
