Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
