dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
