When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
