So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
