i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just google imaged poop.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
