That's intense
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
