Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
