Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
no, he came in my armpit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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