I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
