last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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