when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
