your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
