I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just found puke in my bra..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
