As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
All I want is dick and wine.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
