you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
