Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
