happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
