yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
