you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
