I'm going to jail i love you
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
