you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
