also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
