You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
