Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
